


Reflections of the Past

by Laviente



Series: Written in the Stars [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Drama, Introspection, M/M, POV First Person, Romance, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:20:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29905155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laviente/pseuds/Laviente
Summary: A collection of two one shots centered around Chrollo and Kurapika and their effect on each other as told from their perspectives. Both fics are directly connected to the main story, Requiem of Fate.
Relationships: Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer/Kurapika
Series: Written in the Stars [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/983391
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. Amor Intro Coccina

**Author's Note:**

> So, I had decided to actually combine both my PoV one shots, Amor Intro Coccina, and Behind Behind Blue eyes as to ensure that both fics are getting read/received as intended. These are both fics told from Chrollo and Kurapika's perspectives about how they affected each other's lives in several different ways.
> 
> First up: PoV one shot centered around Chrollo Lucifer and the quiet musings regarding his life and how eventually a particular blond man came to be the one thing that kept the Genei Ryodan's head from coming completely undone.
> 
> Credit and shout out to Sweets Dreamer for her lovely contributions to this fic! Without her, it just may not have been possible. ❤️

**Light within the Darkness**

It's raining; the crisp deluge of the night began pouring down and soaking into my clothes, plastering them to my now cold frame, though its frigid caress doesn't bother me. My mind wanders; I had come here alone to think - for the longest I had been pondering, looking back on my life and how the events lead up to where I stand now. So many occurrences, so many different tidings and each and every outcome lead to the exact same result, and it is in that same result I have found my life has drastically changed. Not that I am complaining. Quite to the contrary, it was a quintessential effect. One could say I am quite pleased. Despite everything I had been through which lead up to this predominate point, I am finding that I enjoy how it has ended up for me. Perhaps I sound presumptuous, greedy even, but I will admit that I would not have it any other way.

However my past, granted it's been laden with thorns, it isn't exactly pretty. I had been through many trials and suffered at the hands of an inexorable fate which pushed me to rise above and take on a much more despicable façade. The blood, it runs thick on my hands, stained with the countless horrific deeds I had easily done with gratifying fulfillment. All of this, everything I had done, was the spiteful recourse for what I was forced to endure most of my life. How I was made to live. Growing up with practically a menial existence while crawling through the filth and anachronistic, it left me indifferent and viewing the world with eyes that saw through stained glass.

It was all I could do to pacify my brooding state of mind. The world as I saw it at the time had taken everything away from me and it was my answer in response. To create calamity and destruction, to rip away what I felt was retribution indebted to me, I sought to bring everything and everyone to its knees, revealing in the grandeur of what sinful respite I created. It was in that moment of reprise where my obstinate plan would begin.

For those of us who had mutually suffered, we gathered, comprising of the best Meteor City had to offer. None of us wished to continue the desolate paths we led, opting for a much more exuberant way of life. Our grand works would be put into motion, paving a way into lavishness, instilling fear and creating a name for ourselves. From the ashes we rose, becoming what we are now; the _Genei Ryodan_. The world would know of us and it would _burn_.

So many lives we had taken. So many we left to the falter of tribulation, and we stood at the pinnacle of it all, especially when we committed one of the biggest atrocities that would forever haunt me and drag me down into the merciless, cold depths of eternity. It was a big job. The proprietor had named the item being labeled as one of the fabled Seven Wonders; the Scarlet Eyes of a people who had made themselves clandestine from the rest of world.

That night we gave no mercy, demonic meaning amiss burning buildings and lamenting screams. Each and every member we slaughtered, leaving behind necrosis in our wake. It was glorifying, just the elation from pilfering and taking want we wanted. How those dying pleas and accusatory glares, just the way they fell, crumbling at our feet, it was like an intricate painting on canvas. Even as I look back on it now, just the masterpiece we created and the profit garnered from it, how far it had gone and the repercussions that eventually ensued, was it all really worth it?

For so long, it's how we lived. How I lived. Perpetually we danced on the razor's edge, bargaining our souls and giving into the illustrious delights as a result. The provocation was too great and we chose to continuously find the easier paths, succumbing to temptation. It was alluring, exhilarating and by the same token, excoriating. For each and every crime we committed, we extricated our souls. But for us, it was all we had ever known, and we were ever satisfied with it.

We were never safe from persecution, and I was no exception. But honestly, I never tried to escape. I had always sought refuge in the comfort of the twisted and callous fingers of injustice, realizing that this was what I had come to accept as my destiny, _my way of life_. For me, it was something that would be everlasting and unapt to change. Though I had come to accept such terms, consequently I was enthralled with how my life had panned out. Surely it could be said that I had chosen to relinquish everything in light of something so lackluster. However, I find up to that point, I had come to terms with myself and accepted what had come to pass as my own reprehensible consequence. To this very day, I do not regret the choices I have made.

_Except one._

Never had I expected the reemergence of that fateful night to return to me as a phantom of my own past, foreshadowing the perpetual and growing voracious loathing that emitted from the one thing I had thought no longer existed. But there he was, surely alive as any other, seething hatred burning within those eyes, the very same incandescent scarlet as those of the people whom we spiders had taken from the world so long ago.

It was at Yorknew, the rapture of the waste we laid in dedication of whom we had lost, all the calamity, destruction and the beatitude we felt as we revealed in the mastery of our plan, we watched as those succumbed around us were felled by our own hands. It was marvelous, unbelievable. It was a revelation at its finest, one where I thought we had achieved our greatest mastery and yet, it would be within that very idealism I would end up facing one of my greatest demons.

It would also be where I would come face to face with those magnificent eyes.

We had just convened, reveling in the finality of what we worked so hard for and the prestige that we deserved after all we had endured when the realization hit, laying a hard blow to the fact that I for a split second, found myself falling victim to my own impudence.

Moments, seconds. The world seemed to still, breathless and wild, plummeting into the vacuity of pure crepuscule, leaving me in pure wonderment as time abated and I found myself falling at the hands of the one who I knew despised me so, instantly at his mercy. Cold, calculating, the vision of a viper as it readied to ambush its prey coalesced into the very pertinent youth whom wasted no time facing down death to capture me. Even as I knew the momentarily lapse in my own defenses placed me into such an unsavory disposition, I couldn't help but notice the elegance of the very one whom had actually managed to best me because of it.

He was beautiful. Even though I had been captured, beaten and most certainly facing my imminent meeting with my maker, it was the only thing I could think of. When he faced me with that broken look, how was I supposed to resist? How could I and why would I? Those burning red depths had spoke of my own demise and I still couldn't help how subaqueous their effect was on me.

It was those very same alluring and gorgeous eyes I would soon myself becoming eternally captivated and bidden to, losing any sense of who I really was. The more I would stare into those heated depths, the more transfixed I became, finding that their beckon to me would be my undoing, my final calling.

Though for the longest I had believed that the barriers between us would never be broken – he still harbored so much animosity, ordained from vows made and wished to see my life ceased from existence. But, I persisted even when I knew he had began to stalk me, predatory motives lying behind falsities, even when he thought I did not know, something crept just beneath the surface, something more unrestrained. At first the sightings were brief; a glimpse here a flash there and never really in one place for too long. I had begun to believe I was imagining things and thought they were mere delusions, that it was wistful thinking, despite we had parted so long ago upon that desolate plateau. Never had it came to mind that he would come for me and that our paths would cross again. But he still had and even when he attempted to conceal his presence behind his Nen, I still knew. His energy, his rage, the unbridled passion that coursed through his lithe, yet perfectly toned body, just the apt closeness during those covert observations, each and every one only invoked a higher sense of awareness in me. The desire became stronger and cinching, driving me deeper and deeper into the crux of my own burning need.

At first all I could think of was him. The feel of him, the incandescence of that body against my own, torrid swell of lips in an intricate dance against one another; it began to drive me to the brink of insanity and making him my own became the only focal point in my mind.

For so long it felt as if he was content with continuing to shadow my every move, never effectively confronting me – until the day he finally revealed himself, sacrificing all rationale to stand before me, face to face. Those very eyes I had always mulled over flashed with that ever present virulence, but something else wavered just beneath the surface, like a flicker of desire within unconstrained depths and I could tell my pretty blond was in pure contest within himself. The resolve and conviction he always exuded, it wasn't as profound as it had once been. His fortification was crumbling and it was in that very moment of weakness I felt the time to strike.

It was like molten fire, liquid and ardent as my body instantly pushed deftly against his, holding him firmly affixed to the closet wall, finding those burning eyes locking with my own. For a breadth of a moment I saw the fleeting surge of disgust beneath alluring scarlet before I took the opportunity to take those velvety lips with my own. Even then, I expected to be refuted, for him to recoil in adversity and force me away, but my suspicions were cast aside when I felt him meld into it and his mouth worked with fervency against mine.

Never had I expected such a result to come to pass. All that abhorrence and dolor seemed to ebb away, his heart was racing, and I could feel its echoing beat against my chest. Just the way he moved, falling easily into my coaxing touch, slowly grinding against me as we began to find an impassioned rhythm, I knew. The once empowering Kurta, the very same whom I had been so captivated by, the very one who had managed to best me and seal away my Nen, was crumbling beneath my grasp. Seeing him in that state as he so easily withered, it made me feel blithe and triumphant. I had won. He was finally going to be mine. For so long I yearned to see that succulent countenance embroiled with rage and passion, and here he was in all his glory craving more of what I could offer.

I remember whispering his name and musing that he was like a butterfly caught within my web.

Or so I thought. For all of our clandestine meetings, all those times spent in each other's presence, I could feel the lingering effects and the sensation, despite the paramount of my own vehement impulses of something greater, something more sublime. There was an underlying pull of something unseen and its lull caused me to gravitate towards a gentler and tender approach. The insatiable force to completely control and encompass him began to slowly fade away. I felt more… Human one could say and it was soon replaced with a completely different emotion. _Love? Affection?_ It was foreign. For me, these were responses out of the norm, something I was completely unused to. At first, I questioned my own integrity. Had I become so weak to the point that the blond was easily able to dampen and encumber me once again? Had I allowed my guard to become so pliable I was no longer able to retain my own sense of strength and dignity? These aberrant feelings were almost like a vice and suffocating, but beneath it all, there was something so much more befitting and rewarding. Despite all that, even with questioning my own mental state I continued exploring this new region, but never allowing him to ever gain too much control.

It was exhilarating, I will admit. _It still is._ Having him near, his physical prowess, immeasurable knowledge and beautiful, golden radiance only enraptured me that much more. Not only is he a valuable asset, he is perfect, his every word, his every move a profession of his undying devotion. Everything he had done dripped with utter avidity and easily gave himself to me. Not only is he the last of his kind, he is the vision of the heavens, itself. Such redefined grace enveloped into something more grand, more superlative. Just the thought of him becoming permanently attached to me, it was glorifying, and yet, it was also sensual. The boundless eagerness he seemed to display the more and more we met, it tugged harshly at my own desires, and I found myself craving in earnest to see this come to fruition. Even if truly what I was beginning to experience was indeed a form of love, just knowing that the blond was possibly feeling the same sort of emotion was enough of a push for me to continue to nurture the very idea.

With enough care, I was able to guide him to exactly where I wanted him to be. Slowly he molded and conformed, completely whimsical to the notion, falling like the advantageous angel he is and right into my hands, completely hung on my every word. It's like a drug and he's so intoxicating. Just the very notion of how much effect the blond had on me, how much he still has on me, it's easy to say there is nothing I would ever desire to change. One could say I have it all. For all that I took, for everything I had acquisitioned through every means possible – down to the most horrendous and undignified ways, he has been my greatest achievement. To have won him over the way I have, the patience I exuded as I slowly gave him every reason in the world to change; it's safe to say I was successful and pleased with the results. Never had ever imagined it would ever come to this, that I would have ever convinced him to come to me, and willfully.

It is wonderful, amazing. He is mine, and I am his. For me, I have realized I have begun to lose control, or have already lost it. It is an inconceivable thing, for I had always vowed that I would never allow him to take over me. But somehow, _somehow_ I had lost all ability to keep that from ever happening. Just being around him, having him close, within my grasp, within my embrace, the way my body reacts when I touch him, when he touches me, I can't seem to retain my power as he causes me to slip and lose my cool, lose every part of myself. Just the dominant nature he exudes and how easily it caused me to go under, I always ended up surrendering completely to his cumbrance, engulfed and consumed by his presence, by his own omnipotence. Never had I considered this could ever happen, that I could be so easily won over in the way he has and it's a fact I have come to accept. Just like he had back then, the same rang true here – the blond had the authoritative pull over me I simply could not contest, an adept quality I found most impressive. But it was more than just that. Even with as strenuous the sensation was and how hard its allure became, I couldn't help but feel more contemplative, curious, and began believing there was something more than the superficial appearance the perception of it seemed to be. There was definitely something else, despite the outward façade, the blond felt so much more and his emotions ran deeper then he originally allowed them to be. For such a long time he remained in conflict, purely uncertain on where this would lead, but I had long since known. I had _always_ known. Despite in the beginning I had once questioned it. But now, _now_ there was no need. Slowly, however he began to realize the same. For all his hated, his malice and desperation at revenge had finally faded away, leaving both of us with the ability to come together without finding any brooding need to kill one another. For me, as I do feel the same was for him, it was finality, a breath of fresh air.

For once, I felt at ease and at peace. For so long all I saw was blood and death. Destruction and extirpation. To finally see life anew – or a semblance of it as I know I cannot completely change and neither can he, we have learned to adapt and changed enough so we could extrapolate on our growing love and begin to build on it. It was hard at times, and we had faced so many challenges. There were even points where I thought I had began to falter and questioned my own priorities, but despite everything we had suffered, together I found strength in myself that I could only obtain through him.

It was all because of my beautiful Kurapika.

If there is one thing I can equate to the entire way this situation has played out is the fact that even though I had generated the guise I had and walked down the path of instilled darkness, nothing can counterbalance the fact that none of what I have now, what _we_ have now would have ever became reality had I not made the decisions I had. Even as selfish and callous as that may sound, even if I harbor illimitable regrets for driving him so far into despair, nothing can change the fact of what fate had in store and that the broken pieces of our lives is what ultimately brought us together.

So many nights I had mused over that very aspect and delved into questioning myself on exactly how such an amiable, yet wayward and capricious creature such as himself was able to contend with the evils of the world around him. I would lay awake as he was wrapped within my arms while he slept and listened to the gentle rhythm of his breathing in time to mine, the lull of its litany evoking a sense of calm. Though my own thoughts would still travel, constantly wandering back to how he had survived for so long all alone. Just how he was able to contend knowing exactly what had happened to him? What _we_ had done to him.

I'll never understand how he held on to his dignity and self-control. We had it much worse in Meteor City, Feitan is a testament to that fact, but he had also faced dangers nearly similar to us. Especially with that beautiful face, how could he have saved himself from those lechers' I know exist in _every_ corner of this world? The very thought I remember had caused me to tighten my arm around his waist and I used my free hand to push back a strand of his golden hair behind an ear. My lips brushed against the unblemished skin of his forehead and I could not help but wonder what it would have been like if he had spent all those years in my Meteor City instead of the other cities after his clan's demise.

Still, I cannot help the way I feel. Granted, it has taken a long time for me to come to accept him for who he is. That he is the Chain User… _was_ the Chain User and to see there is so much more behind that once stoic front and cold heart that had fought so hard to see the end of the Genei Ryoden. Not that I have to worry about any of that – he has long since become one of us. I would often remind myself when my hand would stroke over the area where the spider tattoo lay upon his skin. But even then, the pull he has upon me, how easily I have found myself captivated, and the one thing I know which will never change is that I will veraciously hold onto the fact that he means everything to me.

At first I didn't really consider just the insurmountable value having him in my life would be. That allowing him close to me, to break down the walls around my own heart would open up so much opportunity. I have found a greater propose, a higher connotation despite the subtle nuances from the norm because he has become a fixture in my life. Though his influences have impacted us as a whole, I cannot help but feel the exhilaration it has lead me to despite the fleeting principals he still seems to cling onto. Regardless that he still houses some reluctance when we are on missions, he has been gradually transitioning and adapting, both of us changing for the better, for each other. He has been the best thing to have ever happened to me in so long.

Even now as I reflect upon the current, just how far we have come, I can safely say that I am eternally grateful. I really never envisioned myself saying this or coming to the conclusion that the interlude I've experienced in life is all because of Kurapika. But for me, I shouldn't really balk as I truly have everything I could have ever wanted. Regardless of fact that the means were considered less then unsavory, the one thing I attribute to my own divine retribution is all because of that very same blond who really has ensnared my once darkened heart.

These thoughts will never leave me and I will always find myself faltering back to the very events that lead up to this point. Especially when I look at him, into those exquisite eyes, ones that are as refined and blue as the skies themselves, I go back in time and revel in just how I had managed to finally trap that once elegant butterfly, so wild and free, into finally seeking refuge within the very thing he had once so desperately repudiated to. But finally, with much care, guidance and nurturing, he abjured. Even now I cannot help but wonder if the prospect of finding something so much greater was his true reasoning for giving in? Or, was it really because of actual love?

I still feel it. During all those moments when we are alone and close, when we kiss and find ourselves conceding to our fervid needs as we give into the temptation of intimacy, even then I find that I cannot withstand the retention he has on me. It's so captivating, so enticing that I cannot break free and always finding myself craving for more. _So much more_. There is just so much about him that draws me in and I cannot find myself letting go. I've dug my claws in so deep, so steadfast that I've been holding on for all it is worth. Perhaps I will never truly comprehend what it is about him that has me so mesmerized and stricken that I've begun to relinquish everything to ensure we remain together forever.

We have faced many challenges – many events that strained the boundaries of our relationship. It wasn't only his past that proved to be difficult to surpass, or the fact that the rest of the Ryoden either disapproved of him joining us or the lack of trust they held but there were also the issues his friends posed. Especially the one who was aspiring to become a doctor. Many times I could see the obtrusive nature in the man's own dark eyes – the very way he would cast furtive gazes over the blond, over _my_ blond and so many times I found myself growing increasingly jealous and aggressive. I knew Kurapika cared for the boys and that man meant quite a lot to him, but the indignant way he behaved around the Kurta; it was all I could do to keep myself from wanting to tear him apart.

So many times I had wondered if he ever realized that Kurapika was never going to be his and that the blond had long since given his heart to me.

He's very much enamored with me, just like I've been with him and that isn't ever going to change.

It's just one test of many and all of which we have overcome. There isn't anything that is going to stop me, stop _us_. I have sacrificed so much to see this reach culmination and I will be damned if I allow anyone to tear that apart.

I know I haven't always been the most retributive, nor have I always been accommodating or understanding, but he has always stood by me, even when I thought there were times the strain would force us apart. It is in that I will attest I am forever in debt. Though faith was something I never really believed in or held onto; I do now. It is because of that faith and in that belief which has survived the tests of time that has kept us together through it all.

I have fallen. I have gone past the point of no return and only he, only Kurapika can save me now.

Or maybe has he already?

Perhaps it is actually true love I am feeling because never had I found myself experiencing emotions this perpetuating. Ones that I can easily admit to without regret that has really changed my way of thinking. Or at least, in the way I perceive how I look at my relationship with Kurapika. At one time, I would have never considered it. I would have dismissed it adamantly as some ridiculous fantasy and only persisted in chaining the blond to me in every way possible to only garner my own selfish needs. To a fault I still do, but not without the aspect of caring and love in mind. The last thing I want to do is cause him to feel the need to run off and abandon me.

As it stands, I feel my situation; my life has come to a head. Come to a semblance of completion. It's been a thrill, advantageous, and downright incredible. Suffice it to say, I haven't felt this good in a long time.

I have fallen in love and with the most amazing person alive. To be perfectly honest, I am glad he never succumbed to the dastardly effects of what occurred that night. Even though I won't forget what happened and more than likely would do it all over again, I would not be where I am today if he had.

A voice breaks me out of my reverie and I realize exactly who it is before I even turn from my current position to face the figure I knew was standing behind me. A smile easily creeps over my lips, knowing damn well that I had obviously not taken into consideration that I would be followed. But apparently it appears such ended up being the case. Not that I am angry or anything, far from it. My eyes eagerly search out his, coming face to face with a pair of startling ceruleans staring back at me. His clothes are just sodden as mine are, though I had spent what must have been hours out in the open during my musing. I can tell from his expression he is abjectly curious as to why I am out at such an ungodly hour in the middle of a rainstorm. I can only grin at him in mock jest; releasing my testimony of thoughts to him now may only serve as needle and jabbing material for later. Instead, I close the gap between us and wrap my arms around him, turning him so his back is to me and pulled his smaller frame against my chest. "You was worried about me." I whispered teasingly into his ear. Of course I waste no time chortling at him even though moments before I abstained from giving him any reason to question why I am out so late.

Of course the phrasing only earns me a brief look of distain, "I didn't expect you to run off half cocked in the middle of the night without so much as a word." His gruff response came, but I knew all too well he wouldn't stay angry for long. "You're all wet."

"You're no less wet then I am." I could virtually see him rolling his eyes, probably exasperated by my response, but I just couldn't help myself. It was nice to have him within my arms, despite the downpour which was assaulting us.

"I hope you don't plan on staying out here all night." He quipped, though there was considerable less edge, clearly with a sarcastic undertone. He leaned his head back against me and I could hear a soft sigh escape past his lips.

"Don't worry. I definitely didn't plan to."

The warmth against my chest felt nice despite the chill. I hummed contently as I buried my nose in his golden halo of hair, drinking in the intoxicating scent. It makes him turn his head a little to look at my face but I am already letting out a disgruntled sound at having lost contact. Even if it was just a little.

"We should get going you know," he whispers, one of his fingers tracing the inside of my wrist lightly. The feeling was ticklish and I buried my nose back, this time at the junction between his shoulder and neck.

"A few more minutes," I whisper back as I let my lips trail his skin. He doesn't say a word but leans back against me again and this, I assume it as a yes.

Sometimes, I wonder what he thinks when he holds me in his frail yet strong arms. Does he feel softness or the feel of scars? Did he feel like staying with me like this in such a position forever, his hands acting as a cage from reality for me? Did he ever want to leave? Did he ever regret?

But then he says my name and my grip around his waist tightens for a second. We might not have forever but ruining these moments with my thoughts would be a waste. Even I know this because to be perfectly honest, I have come to cherish each and every one we spend like this, for who knows if we will have another?

I know it won't last, at least, times like these where I wish they never had to end. Still, as much as I would like to remain here as we are, we both have been subjected to the rain's onslaught and both of us are thoroughly drenched; even though I will concede he looks absolutely stunning coated in the thin sheen of mist the drizzle produced, his beautiful tresses clinging to his nearly immaculate visage. I cannot help but gaze at him and admire just how perfect he is. Though he may be caught up within a brief swell of euphoria, deep down I am readily aware that he will not wish to remain here too much longer.

"You're staring again…" I can only grin at his retort; how can anyone, even him expect me not to behold someone as luscious as he is? Again I just hum pleasantly, this time right beside his left ear, his earring with its ruby teardrop appearing to glow almost hauntingly within the opaque night, "Oh? Am I not allowed to, now?" I respond. This time, he turns within my grasp and I can see those endless depths boring right up into my own, his fist playfully punching my shoulder.

"It's just weird when you do it, you know."

What surprises me is his initiative. The same burning ambition that I remember so long ago flashed within his infinite pools and for a split second something rakish glinted just beneath the surface. Though it's gone as soon as it had appeared, leaving me in wonderment exactly what was going through his mind. But even those thoughts were abruptly cut off as I felt his smaller body lift up against mine, arms coming to hook deftly around my neck, the weight of him pulling me down so that we met at eye level. For a moment he just stood there, gazing almost longingly into my own eyes before my world exploded into pure warmth and serenity, his lips drawing me into a long and slow kiss. It's just so easy how I capitulate, allowing myself to be so easily guided, so easily controlled. Still, even now I am finding myself unable to resist. Not that I want to. I have come to accept the circumstances of our relationship and finally able to understand that he has just as much will over me as I have over him and I wouldn't change it for the world.

I breath in heavily, taking in the brisk scent of the rain and Kurapika's spice; such an enticing combination. But such is only evanescent and he pulled away, those deep set icy blues face me once more, "Let's go home." He intoned, though voice was feathery light this time and grabbed my hand, twining his fingers with my own, "I don't relish staying in this rain any longer and a dry set of clothes will be nice. Besides, I am missing the warmth of our bed."

He flashes me a mischievous grin and I cannot help but comply, "Yes it would be nice, indeed."

It's these kinds of moments I would never wish to ruin, for they will be everlasting. I am indeed, very lucky. Briefly, I let the tips of my free hand brush against his soft, aurulent locks and a knowing smile crosses my own lips, just enjoying the simplicity of such gentle tenderness before straightening and looking down at the angelic face which held so much emotion, his own lips curled down into a semblance of a pout, obviously eager to go. But who am I to halt progress? Even though I would probably be the one to suffer the repercussion should I be the reason either of us to delay any further, I must say I wasn't feeling to the contrary. Not that I blamed him, knowing how adamant he was of wanting to relieve himself from his saturated clothing. It had been far too long since I sat within the coiling, gnarled grasp of the dismal rain and its biting chill. Perhaps that warm bed would be delightful after all, as long as he is there beside me. It would be cold and lonely, otherwise.

He tugs at my hand almost impatiently, a procacious sigh exiting his throat, proclamation that he desired to not wait any longer.

Even then he is still beautiful. Oh so beautiful.

Just like an angel. One descendant of the heavens above, so pure, so innocent, one I had brought directly into corruption, and here he was, covenant with the devil, himself.

Kurapika, the most stunning person I have ever come to contact with, who managed to tame this wicked, loathsome beast into something pragmatic, something… _Human_. Not that I have completely changed, but he has arisen something within me and I know I am not exactly who I was all those years ago, like I was when we first met.

Old habits die hard, that much is truth. But even with these subtle changes, I have come to accept things happen as they may. I cannot change everything about myself – some things are just ingrained, but since he has come into my life, I have not rebuked every alteration to my life.

I will always be who I am, that much is a given, but seeing the way he has guided me, led me through this hell and given me a reason to actually to _be_ , I have finally come to realize that not everything in life is as atrocious as it seems.

Perhaps he is the sole reason I can live again, and love again, for it is only him who holds my very heart.

His face is the very last thing I want to see before I die, knowing that he gave me everything and made it all so worthwhile.

I love you Kurapika. I always will. For you are the only one who has made this dark creature learn to feel again and set me free.

My hand tightens around his as I come to this epiphany, and conclude this is something I wish I had learned so long ago.

_Yes, let's go home together to where we belong._


	2. Behind Blue Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second up: PoV one shot centered on Kurapika's feelings regarding Chrollo as he explains how he came to fall for the one person that had once nearly shattered his life.

_"Is this how it always ends up?"_

Sometimes I wonder. It's a question that has wavered across my mind more times than I can even count. Whilst I have no answers, I still wonder, speculating on the reason for how and why things end up the way they do. Even then, I get lost in the philosophy of ways, scrutinizing everything, regardless of outcome. Perhaps this is just my perception talking. Or I am just being jaded. In any regard, I cannot help but falter back to the reasoning for why the occurrences in my own life had to beget the way they have.

It feels like I have always lived a life in constant turmoil, never really knowing where I was truly going, always believing that I was destined to waver between the balance of life and death. Especially after the annihilation of my clan. For me, that was the ultimate blow, leaving me in the confines of destitution and solitude. After everything I had been through, all that I had to suffer and endure, especially after standing to reason I only existed because of a special person, I faltered to reason that my existence had been mere conjecture and without any other purpose but one. _Revenge_.

For so long I emancipated myself from the rest of the world, just like my clan had done and became isolated, convinced I did not need the comfort or sanctity of others. It was within that feigned comfort I had found for so long a pseudo solace that I had convinced myself was for my better interest. Anytime someone tried to get to close or try to become a part of my life, I'd waste no time pushing them away, self-preservation always kicking in fear of losing myself or sight of my goals. For me, wallowing alone in my own indescribable misery was no burden to anyone else, and friendships were solely a hindrance. I never wanted to drag anyone else down through my problems, attesting that those whom remained around me for far too long would only just get swallowed up in a sea of dejection and tribulation. There was never a desire to see anyone else bear the misery and pain I had always carried.

This is how I had always lived, and always kept just that right amount of distance from others as I was plagued with my own crippling emotions which were a constant battlefield within me between anguish and enmity. Those were moments where I faltered so close to the void that it felt like the end was nigh. So many times everything looked bleak and my own jaded perspective asperse to the real truth that was out there. I could see nothing else. Lost within my own turbulent convictions, I became so enclosed within myself that I was persuaded to believe that was all there really was.

I struggled with that even after one special kid managed to worm his way into my life. There was just something about him; his jovial and infectious personality made it just so difficult to completely ignore. Granted I was skeptical at first, but he managed to grow on me. Despite all my promises and vows that I wouldn't let anyone close to me or encroach on my life, there he was, bringing me down and actually giving me some partial semblance of peace. It was the very same which I had never found since that fateful day. But he had succeeded and I was grateful, despite I was still concerned about my own undulating troubles possibly becoming his as well, I graciously accepted his friendship, accepted all of them in fact. Even that lumbering buffoon and the wayward assassin.

They became like family for me and offered me the placidity which had been abolished after I had lost everything and had given me a reason to hope once more. I caved, joining beside them through so much. From everything at the Hunter's Exam to the tremulant affair of Yorknew, they were there through everything, especially during the moments where I had hit rock bottom. When trepidation would strike leaving me to second guess every decision made, never once had they wavered, sticking with me through every unjustified outburst or brash decision I made, even when the drive to eliminate the Spider grew so strong that I could not contain my own abhorrence.

Yet they were there, supporting me the entire step of the way. So many times they put their own lives on the line. Granted that never sat too well with me. It was a fear I had always harbored. The last thing I wanted was any harm to befall them, silent reckoning for anyone that would even dare to try. But for me it was a vice. A weakening vantage point I did not want anyone else to ever bear witness to. It was within that very reasoning I took matters into my own hands, tacitly decreeing that I would handle avenging my clan on my own.

I walked into that entire situation knowing just how far the odds were stacked against me, though I took my chances, risking everything. It was a gamble, toss of the dice and brazen choice to run headlong into a brooding den of vipers. It became more apparent after I killed one of their own just to extract the retribution I had desired for so long. There was just no place for anyone else during a menacing escapade such as that. It was my battle and mine alone.

After all that, coming so close to a finalization for my boundless suffering, I still faltered. Such snap decisions and alteration in the plans I had long since derived and the outcome ended up different. For so long I had steeled myself, gathered my resolve and prepared for that one time where I would seize the moment and take back what had once been so brutally ripped away from me. During those moments when I meditated, dug deep to develop and hone my skills in Nen, I had never once contemplated that one break in my own walls would soon cause them to loose integrity and collapse around me. It was there I had found just how weak I had become, despite those vows I had long since made to myself. It was in that moment, when elation had overtaken me amiss mounting rancor I had decided not to send the Spider's leader into total ruination. Instead I placed my Judgment Chain upon his heart, instilling practically the same limitations unto him as I had to myself. Hoping such would be sufficient to see that my own duty and goals had been carried out. But, it was not here that I found my cessation.

I remember it as vividly as I can recall any other memory, but this one is more prominent then most. We had all fulfilled our promises to meet in Yorknew City where a grand gathering was to take place for an event that only transpired once a year. This was the one point where the mafia families, both wealthy and not, those that ranked strong to lesser on the hierarchy scale all gathered for a set of rare auctions, ones that were renowned for pandering to those with the biggest wallet. Since I had known what type of items would be auctioned off – especially knowing that the very thing I sought would be within the valued commodities, it had made sense to me that a particular group of infamous thieves would more than likely make an appearance.

It wasn't long before my suspicions were proven correct and it wasn't long before I had found myself face to face with hell, itself.

So much destruction and death – even as I had witnessed their combined ambitions, I still waged war with my own morality and suppressing my burning contempt had become something that threatened even the ethics I set for myself so long ago.

It was just too much for me to contain without enacting upon it. How could I simply sit back and not do something? _Anything_? No, those vows would not go unanswered, even though such acts I knew could have potentially stripped away even my own humanity, I had decided that day, which I had carried with me up to that point that I would see my pledge through and avenge my kin to give them the peace they had so deserved.

But who was I to decide fate? Those questions that were elusive to me never stopped their unabated taunting even when I stood face to face with one of those people who had garnered so much of my deep-seated wrath, ire and apathy. When the huge man had bore down on me with such defiance and ridicule, it only was _antagonistic_ to my own unbridled and primal instincts and I knew I was slipping into the covenant of darkness, my heart ceasing to beat for any level of empathy and only sought his demise.

Capturing him didn't root out any of his arrogance and it was at that point when he made his gallant, yet violent escape that I had realized I had one duty and one duty only. There was no other option and for me and it mattered not if there really was. The objective was clear and seeing it through was the only thing of which had mattered to me.

The challenge was made and I knew, all the same animosity I so outwardly projected, that man made no pretense in concealing his own and knowing the risks, knowing there was potential I may not walk out of the situation alive, I still faced him, faced my own _soul_.

My chains had struck tried-and-true, wrapping around the large man's heart without hesitation and I could still see that bold, yet ever present defiance he exuded prior still reigning strong in the depths of his hateful eyes. Such only instigated my own repugnance, the burning, unrestrained ambition to finally bring cessation to his existence was heightened and even in his last moments when I could see the life fading away, even then, he never let go of that insistent loyalty for his comrades, for the murderers of my _entire family_.

Even after it was all said and done, when I stood there recollecting over everything that had occurred in self evaluation, even after I buried his body, there was still no solace to be found in my current progress.

Then the retaliation came and disaster struck, everything easily being laid to waste in the blink of an eye. Lives were being taken by the droves and indiscriminately, so many innocents, so much bloodshed and it was a revelation that led me further down my own destructive path that nearly sealed my fate.

Working with my friends, we concocted a plan and it was the one thing I knew would be the only outcome of which I could use as bargaining chip to finally bring about an ending to everything that had tormented me for so long.

In a moment of consternation, when diversion became key, it was then I had struck, using the bedlam as a cover to capture the Spider's leader that prostrated myself so close in completing my goals. But such wasn't the end result, even as I had finally faced the one person who had been the focal point of all my suffering and pain, something still foreign and strange coiled deep inside, even when he looked at me with his simpering expression, almost mocking, his eyes, dark and penetrating, though appearing emotionless, had somehow enraptured me despite my own loathing. I couldn't look away, feeling myself becoming slowly riveted; even as my chains wrapped around his heart, sealing off his Nen.

Just the notion left me repulsed; how I could feel something so natural, so personal towards the one of who I had detested so much was so easily able to manipulate me. At times I found it hard to resist, his charisma and beguiling charm left me questioning my own priorities. But even then, when the pull was great, when his instigation only seemed to needle prick my own resolve, I couldn't help but notice how gorgeous he was.

Every part of me reeled with aversion amiss the conflict of attraction and I knew that keeping him close to me for too long would only mean the desecration of who I was and everything I had so readily stood for, even if a part of me didn't want to let go. In the end I knew I had to finish what I started.

Of course, with the deal I had struck at the plea of Pakunoda and the sacrifice of her own life, I had conceded to releasing him, very well knowing there was a possibility someone out there could remove the very thing I had placed as a means of purgatory for him and means for my own release. For me, it was the only fortitude I could confide in.

It was not there that I would find my culmination. For so long after those events, I had realized a newfound stirring within, my mind behind its own betrayal as it would arduously wander. Endless nights I would spend, even while on my own precarious search for the missing Scarlet Eyes of my people, I would find myself delving back to that night. The very one where I had watched that tall figure retreating on that somber plateau, abnegation clear profession such was not the end with each stride he made as the distance between us grew. It was at that point I couldn't help but feel something awakening within. Traitorous deliberation soon became the forethought, driving me down into my own undoing.

Then the nightmares began which sought my own ruination, each reoccurrence only driving me further in to despair, haunting me day after day. Not long after had I realized the source of my discomfort. The prompt inadvertently caused me to seek, _him_ out again. Even before, those precarious thoughts had dogged me, constantly making me falter back to the one person I couldn't seem to eliminate from my thoughts.

Never had I ever anticipated such a lecherous idea would come to mind. Though it was clear a more primal desire burned deep within. It disgusted me, and raised the bile into my throat at such a vile notion. Even after I found myself deviating from my goals to peruse a more condemned path and finally decide to peruse him, to seek the answers I so desperately needed and it soon became enticing to stalk my prey. For so long I had watched him, those emotions growing stronger by the day. Each and every time I would cross his path, my own instincts would surge, those licentious desires becoming almost unbearable, threatening to consume me and eat me alive. The burning need was almost too much for me to bear.

I could not comprehend why I was feeling this way. The one person who had become the focal point of every atrocity that occurred in my life I was finding myself becoming slowly attracted to. Like a moth to a flame, drawing me into his bewitching web. The day I actually confronted him and exposed myself, my own heart had begun to race, lending to dissidence despite my outward appearance. Still, he was able to sense without a shadow of a doubt exactly what turmoil I was going through, using it to his own advantage. At the time I was still at odds with what I was feeling and held a ferocious denial that I would _never_ be able to harbor such inclinations for someone like him. But again, I was proven wrong, and soon found myself thrust into a constant power-struggle for dominance with the one person who would become my former enemy.

How it ever came to this, I may never know. I have long since stopped questioning as to why. For me, I have begun to focus more on the future, revealing in the newfound sensations that have been bestowed upon me, even if the method of acquiring them was less then commendable. For so long all I knew was loneliness and solitude. Always on the constant verge of total collapse, the sorrow nearly consuming me, and he changed all that. Perhaps I sound pretentious. Beguiled. Manipulated and coerced. All of it is far from the truth. I have made my own decisions regardless of circumstance; even in light of how those around me feel. The one thing I now have in my life has been uplifting and I have a renewed sense of vigor, and it's all because of him. Those memories, I have a fondness for, revealing in the very day I had finally realized what I wanted for so long.

After I confessed, having disregarded that welling adversity which boiled in the pit of my stomach, I realized the same was mutual for both of us. I didn't expect how I felt to be reciprocated - in the back of my mind my greatest concern was rejection. Such was not the case. Those grey eyes had bored down into my own, and I could tell he was just as transfixed by my own scarlet ones. Clearly his intentions were not a full embodiment of hatred or dissuasion, but something that bordered on desire. _Passion_. For months we had been seeing each other in secret and the longer I remained within his grasp, the further I fell. One could say I was a fallen angel, descending from grace, but I beg to differ. There is no way I can change how I feel, nor would I. To lose this happiness I have would be to eviscerate a part of myself and befall into emptiness once more. That is not something I will ever commit to. I don't want to ever experience that indescribable loneliness again.

Those strong hands, alluring eyes and well toned, chiseled body, all of it is mine, along with his immense power and innate skill. Such mastery he has, like my very own, fitting so well together. I would never desire to lose something like this, that much has been proven to me. The first time we touched; I remember him pinning me up against a cold wall of the alleyway we had our rendezvous in, his frame pushed roughly against my own, heart palpitating within his chest, matching the same rhythm of mine as our hands locked together and held them down. A burning, wanton need smoldered within those eyes, it's all as vivid as I clearly remember, then his lips soon captured my own and it was over. All barriers simply melted away and I gave in. Just the taste of him alone was enough to drive me into madness. It was then I had let go of everything that I had harbored for so long. The enmity, the hate, all the anguish and destitution, it completely ebbed away.

Little by little I was left with only the growing desire to be with him. The growing passion and waves of lust constantly pulled at me, and every time we would touch or be close, I could sense that ache, every part of me submitting to the craving and need. Though that wasn't all I realized I had begun to feel. Something else stirred down within me, and I started to wonder if everything I had been experiencing was a form of love? That I could have been possibly feeling the very same thing which had been devoid from my life for as long as I can remember.

So starved I must had been. The longing, great as I realized just how deeply entrenched I was becoming. Yet, I didn't care just how mesmerized I was. How I still am. Every part of me was content with my current situation and its immense rewards. Sure I knew the consequences of my actions and exactly the weight they could entail. But this was my livelihood that was at stake and I wasn't about to dissolve that. To go back to how life was prior to this fateful encounter, it was something I knew I'd regret if I did. Taking my chances, I decided it was the best recourse. Never would I want to abolish what I found to be the greatest change in my life and the euphoria it brought to me.

I will dance with the devil and forge my own path, even if that means committing to sacrifices. I had to find my own way, one where I could manage my own destiny. It all felt so right, despite it went against everything I had once believed in. Perhaps I will be scorned, chastised and condemned for those choices, but I will live with that, knowing I will not have to wade through life alone anymore.

Maybe I am addicted. Perhaps it seems superficial. But there is no greater purpose then one where you have been given reason to carry on once again, to find your foot hold and continue forth. From the ashes of desolation and tribulation to the reaches of aspiration and fortification, it's as if I have been reborn again. Just like the myth of the legendary phoenix. Every time I am around him, I feel alive, s _o, so alive_ , and my own heart beats solely for him and him alone.

I will never let go. I will hold on until my dying breath. I will remain by his side until the very end. That much is a given. He has long since given me the reason to place all my faith and devotion into him. Proven to me that he is willing to rectify all that has been done and seek atonement. It's in these very professions that have kept me tied to him and coming back. It's been more than enough for me. So much that I have long since abolished any chance of ever finalizing my main goal. No, he has shown me that I have no need to anymore. Slowly I am finding myself becoming more and more forgiving. All the anguish I suffered for so long I am realizing is dissipating. Closer I am becoming towards him, and I am ready to devote my entire life. All I want and need is to be by his side.

Casting away my own belligerence and hate, I am finding myself ready to become loyal to a lifelong relationship that has given me considerable amounts of strength and solace. Hell, I have even relented and willfully became part of that very group which had once haunted me in my nightmares. Those chains I had forged in name of their annihilation have now found a different purpose, placing my Chain Jail into a sort of stasis. Now, I have no need to use it. I even went as far as to remove my Judgment chain from his heart and allowed the very symbolism of their inception to be delineated upon my skin. It is at this point, I feel ready to take on my own demons, turn the tide and dutifully protect that which is now going to be a part of my own life. My new family if you will.

Of course acceptance will have to be earned on both sides. Like them, I too have also taken something away, which has left long lasting scars. But I am sure in time, such will become abolished and integration will eventually become easy. There is never any easy road. I am prepared for this, as hard as I understand it will be. But I want this. I have made my mind and it is the only way I can foresee being with him. Nothing will stop me, even my friends. I am determined to follow my own path and write my own story. He is where my roost will be as I wish to live the rest of our days together. With him is where I want to be when I die.

It's so strange. Almost like a dream with no ending. Just the notion that I have finally allowed myself to submit to the one thing I had agonized over for so long, it's become utter bliss. All those times, lying awake at night with him beside me, the warmth of his body, those strong arms encased around me as our breathing fell into sync; each and every moment only lulled me, dragging me further and further into the abyss, clutching me tight. I enjoy it. _All of it_. Even when we make love. Him against me, lips pressed together in torrid fervency, our physiques grinding on one another, hands caressing my skin as we falter to our passion; I just cannot seem to get enough. The cravings are too strong and such it's enticing honey. He is my praxis, keeping a constant hold on me. More and more I find just how attracted I truly am, and yet, it is within my own entrapment I will remain. Some may say I am foolish and brash, but I have no reason to run. I don't fear death, yet death is not forthcoming. He is just as entangled as I am, concupiscence the same as my own, aspiring the same goals as I, though such has gone beyond just mindless impetuousness. There is more, so much more. Its acuity stands to reason why we have come together the way we have. Differences set aside in favor of a greater purpose.

In the end I have concluded that perhaps, this is the very thing I had wanted and longed for; acceptance. There is no contesting it. I am deeply in love with him, just as he is with me. One would think someone of his stature was incapable of such a thing, but I know better. I have gotten to see just who he really is. I have seen the other side that no one else has ever seen, even his own Troupe. Bearing witness to that has opened my eyes. For one who held no regard for life or cared about delivering onslaught after onslaught is able to exhibit amnesty and compassion. Behind all the destruction and brackish facade lies just an ordinary man who wanted the very same as myself. It is in this that I have decided to bond myself to him and become his. There is a spark in those once dismal eyes and I know with enough time I can guide him and mold him. If not with my intellect, with my love. It is within these principals I retain faith.

I am at its core, a Kurta, but with him I will become something so much more. What was once lost, is now found and from here, I can go forth in confidence. With each hurtle I will face it with ferocity and determination, knowing that in the end, I have won the ultimate fight and came out on top, succeeding in earning the most important thing to me. I think I deserve this, after everything I faced through the course of my life. Granted I am still young, but I would rather live in light of happiness then in the shadows of torment. It may be selfish of me to say, but honestly I am seeking my own self-preservation, because for once, I have to think of myself. I've spent so long flustered and worried about the sanctity of others that I had neglected my own needs. Frankly, I'd like to move forward without withering in upending pain.

This is the start of something new and precious for me. I believe I am fully ready to walk into whatever shall be brought from it, as I have decided to hold my head up high and take whatever challenges are placed before me. For once, I feel I am prepared to receive the splendor that is finally being dolled to me and I can move forward with life knowing this.

It is due to this that I will say I am glad to have found someone who has turned out to be so special to me, _so precious._ The very same one who had captured and taken over me and made me feels so elated that I know nothing else. Whom has given me a newfound purpose, a fresh outlook on the way I have carried myself for all those years that I no longer feel the necessity to remain in complete anguish, because for so long all I did agonize over everything that had happened to me. But he has changed all that. Taken the lamentation away and replaced it only with a positivism so grand that I have been left in magnificent exuberance. What more can I say? As it is now, I feel I have everything I could ever want and it is all because of him.

How I ever got so lucky, I just may never know. But I won't question, fore I am just so grateful for what I have, now.

We are one, he and I. From two separate walks of life, two completely different paths that endured such horrific events and were able to join in unity. He will always be my one and only, I have no need to ever stray for it's only him I want.

A soft groaning pulls my attention and I look over to stare at the countenance of my beloved as he continued on in his slumber, silken raven tresses loose and hanging over his closed eyes. Gingerly, I lift my hand and my fingers sweep them away, exposing the gorgeousness I had so found myself entranced by and I leaned in to kiss his forehead, right where the cross laid upon his skin. For a moment he stirred and I smiled; I couldn't help but feel that pang in my own heart as I watch him, remembering every reason of why I loved him so.

His breathing evened out once again and he faltered back into a peaceful sleep. For a long time I had laid awake, musing over everything I had gone through in my young life and laying beside is the one thing which has instilled so much happiness and finally brought back the clarification that even now, I could never refute. Because I have finally learned to accept that living in the past was only stripping away everything that made me who I was and had been slowly killing me. In the end, he saved my life, saved me from myself and I can only stand eternally grateful.

I inch closer, my body finding the niche against his own and I feel strong arms suddenly come around me as his nose burrows against my neck, "I was wondering if you was actually awake." He murmurs against my flesh as his warm breath dusts over the surface causing me to shudder instinctively.

Slowly I wrap myself around his own body as he pulls me tight against him and our legs curl around one another, "Yeah, I had been for a while. I didn't mean to wake you." Sighing in contentment, I lay my head against his chest as he adjusts, face now buried within my hair, "I just couldn't sleep."

A soft hum is my immediate response and one of his hands begins trekking soothingly up and down along my bare spine; I couldn't help but placate, the touches so comforting, "Having nightmares again?" He questions, showing concern for my wellbeing, which I could never fault him for. Never once has he ever showed detachment towards my feelings.

"No, just finding it hard to rest, whatever the reason is." I breathe in his scent, drawing in the concoction of musk, spice and a hint of patouille; I can tell he used the special soap I had brought for him during my last excision and it made me elated to know that even he cherished the little things I do for him. "I was just thinking, really."

His arms tightened around me and his fingers started to knead into my muscles; the tenderness and good sensation elicited a soft moan from my lips. Such only instated his hold and I could feel every inch of him firmly against my smaller body. "You're not still mad at me for running off earlier are you?"

For a moment I was taken aback by his statement. Granted I had been slightly miffed when I had awoken to realize the bed was empty and the spot beside me, cold only to learn he had slunk off in the night without so much as a word while it was raining for whatever reason, but I have forgiven him since. Having him back beside me and wrapped up in each other's embrace was enough to abate me. "Why would I still be mad? Honestly I have no real reason to you big lummox." I nip playfully at his exposed chest, only to follow it with by a soft kiss, showing him that I just cannot stay angry with him.

He chuckles and his fingers dip down to cup my chin, lifting my head up so our eyes meet. Those dark, fathomless pools, oh how they drink me in and I am just as certain the same is for him regarding my own blues. A smile creeps over his face and for a brief moment in time, the world seems to still before his mouth encompasses my own, drawing me into a sweet, yet delectable kiss. Seamlessly, his tongue draws between my own and I am instantly drowning in a sea of utter ecstasy. I can't even resist, not that I want to and just easily meld into it, my own tongue seeking out his as they glide and dance along one another, his flavor so delectable, so _infallible_.

When we finally part, I can barely breathe and my face I know is flush. Our hearts are pounding, rhythmic and in union, just like our lives and our love. "Well. I am here, now. So worry not my beautiful Kurta, my precious love, I am going nowhere so at least try and get some rest." The fingers of one hand made their way to card through my tresses and I couldn't help but purr.

I ignored the sarcastic pet names; though I do find it sweet, sometimes it's rather embarrassing and the heat rose up and over my cheeks, this time, enhancing the flush from our passionate kiss and making me meeker then I really care to be. Still, just the way he protects me, the empowering force of his undying compassion and empathy; it only furthers the depth of our emotional bond.

"Don't worry, I planned to. I just wanted to enjoy a few moments with you before trying to sleep again." I confess as I replace my head back against him, but this time I burrow my nose into his neck as my own arms wind firmly around his shoulders. I let my eyes slip closed once more, trying to find that level of tranquility which would bring me back into a contented slumber.

Just as I have, he does the same, letting himself relax as we hold one another and soon he drifts, finding his own way into a path of dreams.

For just a little longer I wait, knowing I would soon follow him as the lull of placidity grips at me. Though I cannot help but believe that I owe the man entangled with me so much. Even as I mouth the words that I know is now too late for him to hear.

It is because of you, Chrollo that I am still here today. That I have found a new stride and have been able to see now with new and refreshed vigor. My eyes have been opened, and I envision a beauty I had not seen before, being allowed to truly see what lies before me. It is all because you gave me the chance. For this, I am eternally grateful. It is also one reason I have fallen so much in love with you.

You may be who you are. Your past, dark, your predisposition the reason for continuing forth as you have, but I accept you all the same, and hopefully one day, we can make something so much more. Find a better propriety, and lift so much higher and into a greater sense of being and reach that level of annuity that we can be so proud of. I never want to see this end. I want to see this last forever. I want to be with you until the day I take my dying breath, until the very end of time, itself.

I love you so much. You are my world. My… _Everything._ My life is yours, now. I have relinquished myself to you, heart, body and soul. Nothing could be more superlative then this. Every breath I take, I take only in your name. I attribute everything I am today because of you. To which I can never thank you enough. What you do to me, how your presence effects me, just the way you look at me when you are near, I cannot express how you have that lingering pull upon me and how I continue to gravitate back towards you. It is also why I remain, because I cannot envision a life without you in it. I think otherwise, I would be empty. It is not something I relish to think of, and I will do what it takes to ensure that you never want to leave.

From now on, evermore, I will always be with you. That will never change. So long as I exist, it is how I will always feel. You are important to me. _Special._ You are my rock, you ground me. I am stable now and able to stand tall. Without you, none of this would have come together or into being. I wouldn't be where I am today.

This is truly what love is and I have found it in you. I don't have to look any more. I can finally stop and rest, because now I have it all.

And in the last moments of being awake I revel in just how truly lucky I really am. My heart echoing the truth of my stance and I utter quietly, "I will love you. Always and forever," before sleep grips me completely and I fall under, and too, into the realm of blissful dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> I will attest that writing from Chrollo's point of view was excessively difficult. I spent the better part of a month when I wrote his oneshot trying to get into his mindset as to keep him in character as much as possible while still portraying him the way he is in my main storyline. But hopefully, this gives more insight to RoF as that is still in development.
> 
> I also plan to revise AiC and BBE as well in the future since I know they are long due for an overhaul. So be sure to look for that. :3
> 
> Note: Prior to deleting both fics to reset them, I had noticed that AiC seemed to get a lot more attention than its counterpart and I'd like to point out once more that both fics are meant to be read as a whole. While it is not necessary to read both AiC and BBE prior to reading RoF, BBE is meant to be read after AiC as I wrote both fics so they connected with each other. Reading them solely won't give the full experience or understanding that reading them together will. Also, these fics are meant to give insight to the storyline for the main fic, Requiem of Fate which these are based on.


End file.
